What to do with a vomiting child – 10 alternative essential steps

All parents will recognise that dreaded moment when you are settling down for the evening and you hear that cry – the vomiting cry. I am spectacularly bad at dealing with sick – if I could run a mile, I would.

For anyone who is yet to encounter such delights, here are the steps to follow:

1. After hearing ‘the noise’ leg it madly upstairs praying that it is only a tiny bit and isn’t all over a)the child b)the bed – It won’t be a tiny bit and it will have got EVERYWHERE!

2. Get smelly child out of bed trying to not touch them – When you stand in something wet, convince yourself it is a drink that will have been spilt earlier.

3. Stand child in bath and shower off any ‘bits’ – think of something nice and pray that the ‘bits’ are small enough to go down the plughole.

4. Wash & Shampoo child (again hoping you don’t have to pick ‘bits’ out of hair.

5. Put child in your bed – hoping they won’t do it again in an hour all over your bed – they will!

6. Go on the search for disinfectant an discover it went out of date in 2006.

7. Strip bed and cross fingers that it isn’t all over child’s favourite toy (see above picture) – Congratulations, you have now done the worst bit and are a much better person than me. Whoever says it is different when its your own child’s sick was lying – its still grim.

8. Load the washing machine – don’t stop to think where more of those flippin ‘bits’ might end up.

9. Realise you haven’t had your tea yet – perhaps you’ll just have a gin instead – all of a sudden that Spag Bol isn’t so appealing.

10. Realise that for at least 48 hours you will have a little one as company to comply with school rules at best. Worst is you might have to do it again several times during the night and other siblings may follow suit over the next few days.

Thanks to everyone on Twitter who got me through such an evening last night. There are some parents out there who have had truly horrendous experiences! I salute you x